`shikin.((:

2009-12-25T02:47:00.002+08:00

" i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i should not have had you involved. it's all my fault that everything turned out the way it is today. i'm really, really sorry. "
" just give me more time, please. "
" yang tuu kite kurangkan. "

2009-11-29T00:59:00.002+08:00

a few hours ago, it was the worst moment of my life. i still have no explanation and i still have no idea where all of these will lead to. mixed feelings of all sorts of emotions, i swear. ahaa. my girlfriends have been there with me all these while. thanks babies. i love you all so much, that i can't deny. outing soon alrights?

2009-11-07T11:15:00.000+08:00

two more papers and i'm done with o levels. (:

2009-11-01T14:13:00.002+08:00

i love you, asshole. :D
i swear i do.
*winks*

2009-10-30T20:07:00.002+08:00

the weekend's finally here. 2 more weeks of o levels and i shall enjoy my few months of holiday. i'm still upset and angry over what happened. gosh, i don't know. and i living a lie? denial?

2009-10-27T08:33:00.002+08:00

SHEENA ANG WEI WEN HUGGED ME TWICE YESTERDAY. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME SHE HAD EVER HUGGED ME SINCE I KNOW HER. :D

i'm confused. :s

2009-10-26T07:32:00.002+08:00

i used to cry every night thinking about you, reminiscing all those sweet memories that we shared. as time passes by, the pain lessen. however, the wound remained.

tshya said :
" you cling on the past too much. i think you know that wan might never come back. try to let go slowly. try to stop talking about wan to ______."
"yes, yes, i know that. but wan might long forgotten about you, god know if he have move on. so, like you said, prove to him that you don't need him. just remember that " the sweetest revenge is success"."
"maybe you do like ______. but one thing, only time will tell you if those feelings is true. trust me. give it a try."

i'm not ready to move on so quickly. i still need time to adjust and let him go. yes, i do still miss him and i do still love him. even his name can send chills down my spine. i guess he'd moved on. two months had past and there's not a single text from him. ______ had asked me to forget about wan. he's asked me to thown all those stuffs that wan had given. i'm reluctant to do so. i'm not yet willing to let go of everything that i still possess. ______ might be nice and caring and all but i'm not ready to accept any guy into my life at the moment. i'm sorry. i just can't let go of my past. not yet at least.

2009-09-21T18:16:00.002+08:00

i hate you mohamed imran bin samsudin. you're one uneducated, fucked up, grown ass liar. i wish i had never laid my eyes on you. you're one fucked up asshole. to think that i could fall for those empty hopes and promises. you've made me look like a fool. and i swear i'll never forgive you.

2009-09-16T18:39:00.002+08:00

a maths paper 2 was a wreck and physics paper 2 had sent me to coma. &now i'm worried about tomorrow's paper, chemistry paper 1 and chemistry paper2. there's loads to absorb and there's so little time to do it. shucks. 40 more days to 'O' levels and i'm not fully prepared. dangs. Hari Raya's coming and the house is still in a mess. my mind has gone bonkers and i don't feel like celebrating any occasion.

i miss my ex-boyfriend. ):

2009-09-13T12:02:00.001+08:00

there are no words to describe the feeling that i've been having these few days.

stirs of emotions.

2009-09-09T20:53:00.001+08:00

&now, it's official.

there's nothing left between imran and i.

we've broken up.

i'm single after 2 years and one day.

2009-09-08T16:07:00.002+08:00

Norashikin Binte Mohamad Tahar

Hearts

Mohamed Imran Bin Samsudin

eversince

08September2007

Happy Second Anniversary, LOVE!

so anyway, imran has been extra irritating these few days.

however, i can't deny the fact that he's still as cute as ever.

he managed to crack a smile on my face each time after he irritates me.

i miss him so much.

the last time i met him was on friday, which was 4 days back.

currently, he's in camp, doing god knows what.

can't wait for tomorrow. ^.^

2009-09-06T10:27:00.002+08:00

morning earthlings.

i'm currently at my sister's place.

we baked 'tapak kuda' yesterday.

and yes, it was yummy.

and we're baking it again today.

2009-09-05T19:54:00.002+08:00

norashikin binte mohamad tahar

hearts

mohamed imran bin samsudin

we both know i love you.

&we both know that you love me too.

let's start a new chapter, honeyB.

3 more days.

2009-09-02T12:16:00.001+08:00

shutting down.

2009-08-29T00:45:00.001+08:00

while it was me.

2009-08-18T19:03:00.002+08:00

things are just starting to get weird between us. and i don't think it will last any longer. i don't know. i'll let fate decide. but i have to admit this. if destiny chooses to separate us, i'll cry. :D

2009-08-11T15:17:00.002+08:00

pictures from 9th august 2009.
the number of pictures to uploads kills me.
ahaa. had a great time though.
i love boyfriend. (:

2009-08-10T16:18:00.002+08:00

blogger is being such a bitch. i can't upload yesterday's pictures. i'm so sorry dian. will try to upload the pictures tomorrow. i love you. hope to meet you soon. (:

2009-08-03T20:03:00.001+08:00

I love you more than you love me.

And I miss you already.

I can't wait for you to book out.

2009-07-29T04:15:00.002+08:00

his favourite picture.

and ouh, i love my hair. (:

thanks sis for the camera.

and i want to get myself a new phone.

2nd december, i'll be waiting. (:

2009-07-12T20:37:00.000+08:00

unglam pictures of KHALIESAH. heheheheh.

2009-07-12T14:56:00.002+08:00

trust me, i am so not interested.

and will never be.

want to see me act like a child?

i'll give you a piece of me.

2009-07-10T20:08:00.002+08:00

mom, i love you. i'm sorry if i've hurt you. i don't mean to. forgive me for all the mistakes that i did, for all the pain i caused you. you know that i'll always love you. without you, i'll never land in this world. you are my world.

2009-07-08T21:00:00.002+08:00

somebody spilled the beans. :D

2009-07-06T09:35:00.002+08:00

*nags and nags and nags"
are you really sure that you really want to be with me?
*nods head*
what's more important is do you really love me?
*nods head*
would you be there whenever i need you? whenever i'm sad? whenever i need someone to talk to? whenever i have any problems? whenever i feel depressed?
*keeps quiet*
well, maybe not now. but what about after your NS? would you be there?
*nods head*
"do you know that i hate you the most?"
*shakes head*
"do you know that you're the person i love to joke with?"
*shakes head*
"do you know you're the person i'm most afraid of losing?"
*shakes head*
cause you've never tell or shown me everything that you've just mentioned.
"i know. you know i don't like to let out let out my feelings, right? i told you before, right?"
yes.
"yes, i want to be there whenever you need you. i want to be there to support you, to be your pillar of strength. but time is not letting me to do all of those actions at this point of time. and i believe that there are reasons to it. you ever heard of the saying 'everything happens for a reason?'"
*nods head* but until when will i have to wait? 15 more months of these? honestly, i can't bare to wait that long. i've been saying to you all i ever want is you time and attention. is that hard to give?
*keeps quiet for a while* "i don't know until when. it's not that i don't wish to give you attention. i want to. i wish i could spend all of my time with you. but you, yourself can see the situation now. time is not giving us the choice to spend time together."
fast forward.
"i don't want to go home. i want to spend more time with you."
i do too. but you have to go for camp, right? you're already late.
"i know. haish."
take off on friday, kay? you rest on friday then we go out on saturday.
"i'll try. it's really hard to get leaves cause they're short of drivers."
okays. i love you. *hugs*
*hugs* *whispers in ear "i love you too"*

2009-07-04T23:31:00.005+08:00

i'll let the pictures do the talking aye? loads of love. shikin.

2009-07-03T20:56:00.002+08:00

as i've predicted. yes, she came to view on my updates. i know how curious she can be. (: ahaa. ouh love, i'll let you have a taste of your own medicine. you've been doing, what i did only once to you, to others so many times. so isn't it time for you to realise what you're doing is actually hurting others too? can you now feel the pain? cause i'm tired of having to say to you that you're living in your own world where your feelings comes first. and i'm sure you're crystal clear about what you've done to hurt your friends, including me. i'm losing you? oh heck, i don't give a bloody damn.
P.S: game. i can play it better than you. (:

2009-07-01T18:56:00.003+08:00

i know you'll come by to check on either my tags or updates. i know you too well, you, who shall not be identified cause i'm sure you know who you are. so this post is especially dedicated to you.
i don't mean to be a bitch, but i'm the hypocrite? ahaa. what about you? shall i expose everything you did that shows that you're NO different from a hypocrite yourself? and shall i mention about the fcat that you've been bitching about people behind their backs? isn't that hypocritical too? get a mirror and face yourself in it before going around to point your filthy fingers at poeple. come on luhh girl, what did i do to be labelled as a hypocrite? just because i talked to her? like i've mentioned, what's between you and her is between you and her. don't get me involved. plus, i've cleared things with her. the only thing i did was to hate tag her. and i confessed. at least, i do know how to admit to my mistakes.
yes, i can be real nice if you're real nice to me. but do NOT take advantage of that character of mine. to think that i'd come by to admiralty all the way from tanah merah just to meet you, thinking that you were in serious pain. more of an hour journey, just for you. and yet, i don't see any appreciation. an hour of two after we met you decided to go home. and i had to travel all the way BACK to tanah merah. not to mention the fact that you decided to stay at admiraltry for one and only one particular reason. ahaa. plus, remember the time when you hung up on me? wasn't that just plain RUDE? you hung up on me just because you can't accept the fact that she's gorgeous. and i don't remember any apologies from you. basic courtesy. don't you own that?
do you only view the picture from your point of view? what about mine? what about others? like i've mentioned before, stop living in your own world. it's high time you should face up to reality. you can't control the life of people around you. you think i didn't think about your feelings when i did things that you dislike? to think about it back, why should i bother cause you don't. at least, i gave it a though. did you? moreover, i gave in and texted you. but as i've guessed, your ego is too big to reply me back. ahaa. guess i know you too well. wait, i don't cause you've changed to somebody i clearly do not know. i don't want to drool over such small, insignificant and pathetic issue. just grow up will you and stop fantasizing in your very own world cause you live with other people that have feelings too.
P.S : I'LL BE WAITING. ouh, you know i'm ready for anything. (:

2009-06-28T12:01:00.002+08:00

there's nothing else that i could do.

2009-06-27T15:02:00.003+08:00

candid

ain and i <3, i love you girlfriend.

2009-06-19T16:34:00.005+08:00

i miss this stupid boyfriend of mine, mohamed imran bin samsudin. it has been 2 weeks since i last met him. he has been too busy with his life as a national service man. well, we were suppposed to go out today. initially, our plan was to go tampines mall. however, it was cancelled due to the fact that he had to stay in camp till 6pm. there won't be enough time for him to reach tampines mall after reaching home from camp, getting ready and having to travel all the way to tampines from home. you could have guess how furious i was. he and his excuses, forever. well, he did managed to comfort me by saying that we'll go out tomorrow, the whole day. ya right, depending on what time he'll wake up, i'm giving a guess that it will be less that 6 hours that we'll be out. honestly, i just can't wait for him to complete serving his 2 years of national service. well, sometimes i do wonder how things might turn out to be in the future. will i still be with him? i don't have much faith that our relationship will stay strong and it will remain as it is today. well, whatever it is, i can see he's changing to make me happier. he's been trying his hard to get some days off to go out with me after several months postponing. besides, he's been trying to avoid any arguement between us. frankly saying, i'm happy that he's starting to change for the better. however, humans are never satisfied with what they have. i just want more of his time and attention, all of it. i just miss him. i miss those times where we used to spend laughing over stupid petty things, where we used to talk over the phone for hours and hours with non-stop laugh. i miss all of that, and i'm hoping for all of it to come back.

2009-06-17T00:01:00.001+08:00

this feeling is rather weird. gosh. let it go.

2009-06-16T20:07:00.002+08:00

i miss my mohamed imran bin samsudin. <3
it's been nine days since i last met him. he's been busy with his national service life. and damn it, i feel neglected. we were supposed to have a date last saturday after gentarasa. however, it was cancelled due to the fact that he had to stay in camp over the weekend till this friday. you couldn't imagine how furious i was.
p.s : bby, i miss that night where we had quality time together.

2009-06-12T17:26:00.002+08:00

to those people who makan chilli then sendiri rase pedas :
1. get your facts right.
2. stoping talking champion.
3. leave your name and link or just screw off.

toodles. loads of love.
&i love my boyfie.
at least my boyfie loves me too.
ahaa. sape makan babi dia sendiri rase geli.

2009-06-11T18:47:00.003+08:00

continue entertaining me. cause it makes me smile.

passer :

got shit sure got housefly. :D

please do leave your name and link.

i'll be glad to entertain you.

don't worry.

if you don't, i'll discover who you are someday. (:

ps : i love and miss boyfie. hurry come back from camp. (:

2009-05-24T23:27:00.003+08:00

my weekend was relaxing. went over to sister's place.

i'm fairly disappointed but heck, i don't give a damn. :D

2009-05-22T19:50:00.002+08:00

results are out and i'm emulous of my cronies. though i've improved on a few subjects, it's not satisfactory. nine days to malay O' level paper and i'm not exactly ready. i used to ace malay language. however, malay result from mid-year was demoralising. started malay intensive today. did the first set of papers today. i managed to complete both papers on the dot. it was terrifying. monday will be taking the second set of papers. in all, there will be 3 sets of papers. last malay intensive will be on wednesday. time check : 22 more weeks to national examination.

and once again you've changed, you make me sick. how i wish i never knew you.

2009-05-21T19:41:00.002+08:00

tuesday's picure.
that day was fun. i miss fyzah. boohoo.

2009-05-19T17:20:00.002+08:00

calling out to all girlfriends. where are you, lovelies. i've missed you girls being around me. grr. when can we meet and tonnes of fun? i missed those times gossiping and crapping with everyone of you.

2009-05-18T12:04:00.003+08:00

despite having to turn up for camp on sunday, boyfie still went to pick me up over at sister's place. how sweet of him. we were watching 'are you smater than a 5th grader' when boyfie fell asleep. sister told me to wake him up so as to transfer to the guest room. well, i didn't cause i know if i were to wake him up, he wouldn't want to sleep back. so yeah, i let him be. i managed to take a shower and put some make-up on before boyfie woke up. we watched monster inc. for a while, then we went off.

anw, look at my current fringe. i love it though it sucks when my hair is up. boyfie said i look like a japanese doll and wondered why i didn't trim my hair along. so contradicting. whatever it is, i love my boyfriend.

2009-05-17T23:50:00.002+08:00

run baby, run. go away and never come back. let me give you a taste of what i felt during those months. ahaa. gosh. life is starting to get boring. there's nothing i could really do at this point of time. did i settle down on a serious relationship too fast?

2009-05-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

ouh gosh. i can't wait for friday. i'm hoping to have loads and loads of fun. (:

anyways, i'm at my sister's place. bumped into danial yesterday when i was on my way to bedok. he was with this friend of his. can't remember his name though. they sent me to sister's place. how sweet kan? we managed to have a decent conversation with no arguements. i think he's changed a lot. we used to fight a lot when we talk years back. ahaa. however, some things about him never changed. indirectly, he still criticised me about my height. i know i'm short. ahaa. well, he did said i've changed a lot within these years. ahaa. that bump made me reminisce the past. ahaa. kay, stop it. goodnight earthlings.

2009-05-14T16:46:00.002+08:00

by right, i should be sitting at my study table, mugging for chemistry paper 1 & 2 tomorrow. however, that's not the case right now because i'm going by left whereby instead of studying, i'm using the computer. so basically, after a maths paper 2, hannah and i went to woodlands regional library to study chemistry. i finished 3 chapters and was halfway through the 4th chapter. by then it was roughly about 4pm. shall continue revising chemistry at 6pm. till then. wish me loads of luck. :D

p.s: never that it came to my mind that dad thought the same thing.

2009-05-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

looks like somebody has been silently reading my blog. ahaa. so anyways, maths paper was do-able except for question 9. didn't managed to finish it. gahh. i need to brush up on my foundations. i'm left with only a few months to get ready for O's. i'm really afraid to take the national exam. honestly, i'm not ready. gosh, i want go out and just enjoy myself.

2009-05-12T19:05:00.002+08:00

i just can't understand certain people. but whatever it is, i can't be bothered to entertain child-like activities. i've got better things to do.

anyways, the idea of men cheating disgust me. well, some might realise that it was a mistake while others don't. however, a handful of those who realised that it was a mistake still repeats it. i mean when do they ever learn.

1) Guys drink to forget about girls, girls drink to think back about the guy..

2) When guys are in love, they are poor but when girls are in love, they are beautiful..

3) Guys can forget but cant forgive, girls can forgive but cant forget..

4) Guys break up when they feel love from another girl, girls break up when they feel separation..

5) Guys feel curiousity towards ALL girls while girls feel curiousity towards guys who are interested in them..

6) When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girls but when girls are heartbroken, they try to find his characteristics in another guy..

7) But finally, guys wishes to be her first love but girls wishes to be his last..

anyways, true friends will accept you for who you are and not what they want you to be.

2009-05-12T00:44:00.003+08:00

i was fast asleep when brother phoned me. he needed the laptop and i had locked my door. i felt furious because i could not get back to sleep. what aggravate the situation was that boyfriend have not called nor texted me yet. so i decided to send him 2 text messages as he could not receive calls due to low credit. a few minutes later, he called me using his house phone. he sounded sleepy. so he explained things and said he felt feverish so he took some medicine and went to bed. i still felt it was unreasonable though. asshole.

2009-05-11T19:18:00.003+08:00

&i've just bought 2 more dresses and cut my fringe. it's kind of shorter than i expected it to be. awws. nevermind. i can bare with it for a few weeks. planning to trim my hair, the spilt ends. boyfriend strongly disagree when i said i wanted to cut my hair short. pffths. nevermind. next up, i shall shop for tops and shoes. *winks*

2009-05-11T11:03:00.002+08:00

nurul matessha binte malek, here i come. i've missed you so much, dearest.

2009-05-10T08:33:00.003+08:00

in a way, i feel that things are falling apart. however, i do feel that things are starting to shape up too.

so anyway, boyfriend and i went over to my sister's place yesterday. boyfriend was so nervous that we had to sit under a void deck for an hour. when we finally stepped into the house, boyfriend was acting all shy and uncomfortable. he sat up straight. the conversation he had with brother-in-law was superbly hilarious. we watched 'slumdog millionaire'. halfway, sister and i started to prepare 'lunner'. after we finished eating, we watched boyfriend's brother's wedding video. &brother-in-law was like 'eh, i know this person. he's from..., his name is...' then we watched my sister's wedding video. had a good laugh with some inside joke & childhood memories. &fyi, aqil loves boyfriend. *roll eyes* he feel asleep while boyfriend was holding him twice. ngade-ngade nye anak sedare. aku dokong takde pon tak tido. after maghrib, i decided to take a shower. the weather was so warm. &sister and brother-in-law was like asking boyfriend if he wanted to take a shower. he refused at first but eventually did. so we finally left my sister's place at 10.45pm. we were extremely exhausted by then. and by the way, sister wanted us to come over again next weekend. *winks* she said she loves the company and that the fact that aqil have a new 'member' that could entertain him. ahaa.

2009-05-09T09:58:00.001+08:00

i'm off to sister's place. loads of love. xoxo.

2009-05-08T21:27:00.003+08:00

have you ever felt so crappy that you feel that nobody loves you? that you mean nothing in this world? and that you have no reasons to live? you know, by posting such a post, i believe that there will some assholes who thinks that you're out to get attention. but believe me you sick bastards, i am tired of having to bottle up with my emotions and i'm not here to ask for symphathy or attention. i just want to express my emotions out. i'm tired of having to smile and laugh 24 hours when i'm really feeling shitty deep down. so don't go on gossiping, when i know you are doing so behind my back, when you don't know what is really going on with my life. you're not the one living it so, fuck off. understood. don't be here to read this post just because you think this post could be the next hot gossip and the talk of the month/ year. i'm tired of having to live a lie. honestly, i can't be myself in front of some people. i'm afraid that they'll never accept me. so much for the quote 'your friends will always accept you for who you are.' cause the next thing you know, once you tell them the truth, they'll either avoid you cause they think they are too superior to be mixing with you or they'll just be there to be there beside you to know the latest, hottest gossip they could discuss about with their friends. this post has no relations to anyone. i'm not pin pointing at any soul. so stop feeling so guilty or self-conscious, alright? pffths. i'm sick of the people around me, to narrow it down, hypocrites. to those people who feel the pinch, then kiss my ass you filthy cabbages. cause once you feel the pinch, it means, yes, you've been a hypocrite around me. you know what? i feel much better now after writing this post. well, for a moment i thought that i could delete it and save myself from the risk of being avoided. but you know what? i don't give a shit any longer. if you hate me or starting to hate me due to this post then, you're welcome top leave this site. cause this is my space. so fuck off, leaches.

2009-05-08T14:59:00.002+08:00

finally, it's the end of the week. took literature paper 2 in the morning, followed by oral for both language. i had so much to write that i couldn't finish the last point i wanted to make. *cries* anw, i stammered quite a lot during malay oral. ahaa. i can't see mdm zelda's face [ not literally ]. she makes me nervous. kept think of durian cake when i was reading the passage. the conversation was rather okay, i guess. managed to restain myself from using english words. 3 cheers for me. then english oral. mr yoong stopped me halfway during the picture discussion. the conversation was quite okay. i wonder how i did overall. hmms.

3 days for me to revise my a maths paper 2. chemistry paper 1 & 2. plus e maths paper 1 & 2. of course not forgetting, history paper. i'm mentally exhausted. &the weather is killing me. pffths. can't wait for the weekend. (:

2009-05-07T00:36:00.002+08:00

first and foremost, i want to say that i love my boyfriend, mohamed imran bin samsudin. we finally settled the arguement we had on monday. i'm sorry for not trusting you. i promise that i'll try to place little by little trust on you provided that you don't ever and i mean never repeat your mistakes again. so mid year has been a bitch. i couldn't find enough time to check all of my paper. what aggravates my frustration even more is that tomorrow i'll be taking physics paper1 & 2 along with a maths paper 1. such a killer. my brain could not function well at the moment. i could not absorb anything that i revise. shitheads. whatever. anyways, i so love my honeyB.

2009-05-06T20:09:00.002+08:00

bby, i miss you. no words could describe the way i feel for you. i love you more than anyone could ever imagine.

2009-05-05T12:39:00.002+08:00

ouh girl, i'm rather sneaky.
don't you dare hurt my his feelings.
trust my words.
cause i'll do what it takes to know you.
the real you.
don't start playing with fire if you can't stop it.
ouhh. no worries.
this has nothing to do with imran.

2009-04-04T23:24:00.002+08:00

am i ready to face the next step in life? or should i take a step back? i miss those times with girlfriends. i miss heading to town and hanging out at esplanade. i miss everything that i once did. i want my times back with girlfriends. gosh. went suntec today. saw this hottie. melts. even sister agreed he's good-looking. hehs.

2009-04-03T23:07:00.002+08:00

finally i completed reading 'breaking dawn', after months of placing it aside. that's the last book, from what i know. so anyways, i'm keen to watch 'fast and furious 4'. probably will be watching with boyfie the week after next. he wanted to watch '12 rounds' so badly just because john cena is one of the main characters. we shall watch that too, kay? i felt like telling everything. however, i guess somethings are meant to be kept by myself. love.

2009-04-02T19:25:00.002+08:00

i think i already have plans for the future. i am really hoping to achieve satisfying results to qualify myself into a junior college. probably another few more years of education and i'll start my career. i don't have a particular career in mind at the moment. however, i ever thought or being a psychologist, learn about human's mental state and the way they behaves. after analysing the text, "off centre", mental illness caught my interest. why they behave in a certain manner.

the weekend is coming. time just pass by so fast, in a way. certainly, i hate being alone with nothing to do. it makes me think, and i mean a lot will be running through my head like a running tap.in some ways, i am looking forward to the weekend. however, in another, i wish time will just freeze itself at this very point of time. it's hard for me to face reality, to leave after so long. at one moment, nothing bothers me. at another, it makes me go bonkers.

plans for the weekend would be staying over at sister's place. besides that, maybe attending for anderson junior college's open house. would be rather free during the weekend, i guess. completed all my maths assignments except by an additional mathematics mock paper. only left with english and physics.

if i were given a wish, i wish that everything about my life would be perfect. of course, that is impossible. honestly, i wonder how would one feel if he/she has everthing that they wanted. there's nothing more that they would demand. that their live was perfect, no flaws. i wonder.

2009-04-01T01:31:00.002+08:00

i miss girlfriends. we used to meet up quite often and have tonnes of fun. however, things have changed. most of us are occupied with our school schedule, getting ready for either our 'O' or 'N' level. I really wonder what the future looks like. how will i be coping with school in a year time? for now, i am just hoping to survive through my last few months in swiss and graduate with satisfying results.

life has been a bum, with great loads of ups and downs. i am struggling to catch up with all the subjects especially the both sciences. i keep on procrastinating my revisions and homeworks. i yearn for my memories to return to the present. things just change too much in a short period of time. i just wish i had treasure those moments.

2009-03-30T00:07:00.003+08:00

i just need time on my own. i need to think about everything that is done. i miss you and i love you. i know you do too but not as much as i do. i just wish i could turn back time. take care love. you'll stay forever in my heart and my memories. good night. sweet dreams. take care. love you. miss you. muacks. xoxo. <3

2009-03-28T18:50:00.000+08:00

i'm mentally and physically exhausted.

2009-03-21T11:50:00.002+08:00

currently, i'm at sister's workplace. been doing homework since 8.30 and finally decided to take a break at 11. i am mentally exhausted. i just remembered that i was supposed to attend a cip programme today. however, uniform's at home and i only remember today when i was about to get out of sister's house, heading to her workplace. dangs. anywoops, after her shift, we'll be heading to punggol to fetch to dearest aqil from kak mai's house. afterwards, we would be shopping for aqil's stuffs. he's starting to eat baby cereal today. (: i'll be among the first to see. i hope there's enough time for me to make it to kompang training later in the evening. i miss kompang. however, sister insist on me staying over her place for another night and neglect today's training. hmms shitheads, i've still got tonnes of homeworks undone. i think i'll stay home tomorrow to complete unfinished assignments.

2009-03-20T11:50:00.002+08:00

yesterday brother came over along with his 2 children. as usual, i became the tarzan of the day. screaming here and there. ahaa. brother went out for a while and i took the kids to the playground. and again i was screaming. they were running and jumping like nobody's business. anak orang oi. kalau jatuh, mati aku. so after sometime, we went back. i showered them and also fed them. chey, chey. ciri-ciri ibu yang baik. ahaa. abang came home. and at around 12 midnight they went home. so when dad was at home, he went to my bedroom and took the psp out to let the kids play. then i was like " no, no. expensive thing. if it spoils... " and he answered, " where did you get the money to buy this? " and all i could answer was " a FRIEND bought it for me. " then he asked " boyfriend eh? " i just shook my head. told mother and she just laughed. ahaa. maybe going over sister's house this weekend. get to see aqil. (:

2009-03-20T00:26:00.001+08:00

Do you have any idea what you've done?
You took the only thing that beats in me (yeah yeah)
I tried to get you out of my head,
But you insisted that you stayed here too
What am I supposed to do?
Should I (let you keep me open while I'm hangin on your rope)
Cause I'm (thinkin, wishin, hopin that you'll never do me wrong)

Never thought that love could be this hard,
I'm tryna get you to give me your heart,
So deceiven, feelin speechless, and defeated, I,
A white flag is above my door,
Cause you got everything that you came here for,
Got what you needed,
now I'm bleedin, and defeated
And I'm out of love

Tell me is there someone else that you see,
Cause everything is different with me(oh yeah)
If so, just tell me the truth and I'll go
look the other way and let it be

I can't (let you keep me open while I'm hangin on your rope)
Cause I'm (thinkin, wishin, hopin that you'll never do me wrong)
Never thought that love could be this hard,
I'm tryna get you to give me your heart,
So deceiven, feelin speechless, and defeated, I,
A white flag is above my door,
Cause you got everything that you came here for,
Got what you needed, now I'm bleedin, and defeated
And I'm out of love

ouh gay, i'm sick. my nose has been running like tap water and my head feels like it's been hit by a trailer. my body aches and my throat sores. curses. anywoops, met imran yesterday. he had the night out. however, we only managed to meet each other for an hour after 3 weeks. pathetic, i know. but i can't be bothered any longer. "when a relationship won't move forward, it withers." i do not want to be the only one trying to make this relationship work. i do not want to be the one feeling all messed up when the relationship ends up bad. &i told hazwan i've pulled out my white flag. all i can do now is to follow the flow. whatever happens, i'll take it. i'll let god decide. you only started to realise and come back when i'm ready to let go.

2009-03-18T01:04:00.002+08:00

i am simply drained out by the daily school classes and remedials. secondary 4 life has been so hectic. time passes by so fast. a week goes by in a blink of an eye. before you know it, it's the end of the month. just a brief description on my march holiday. saturday went to kompang competition at serangoon cc along with ain, freda and dear hannah. ayuh goyang, duyu.. haha. met some chincillas during the one and the half hour break. they bullied me. ): ahaa. hannah should know the details. sunday went to imran's brother's wedding. saw most dian members. :D cik saripah recognised me. ahaa. they had dikir performance, as usual. &finally, imran dance with his sisters and brother and cousins to one of om shanti om's songs. cute kepe? ahaa. was smiling ear to ear.

congratulations. you won. i've given up.
well, that's what you've always wanted. i'll just let time tell.
don't worry. i'll survive this time.
you came running back when i'm ready to let go.
it's too little too late, don't you think?

2009-02-15T05:10:00.002+08:00

when i first look at her, i'd made accusations. at that point of time, i felt that that was the right thing to do. however, after sometime, i tried to place myself into her shoes. immediately, i started to feel guilty. she was afraid and now, i am afraid. it is almost the same thing that she went through. if thay certain thing could happen to her, it could happen to me too. you'll never know when a person will change their mind. i'm so sorry. i really am.

2009-02-12T22:46:00.002+08:00

i will no longer tolerate with what you insist is just a mistake you regretted doing. yes, people are supposed to receive chances to not do the same mistake the next time. however, countless times of the same mistake is unacceptable. i've been too timid to stand up for my own rights. i've been to afraid to voice out my opinions. i believe enough is enough. i should not be somebody who have to bow all the time. i will no longer accept the blame even when it clearly states that it is your fault. i know i will regret the path that i am taking at this moment but i do not want to live my live kneeling down to somebody who is not appreciative of me. every decision have consequences waiting. i've been too fearful of taking the other path. however, i promise i will take the other path one day. soon, very soon.

2009-02-08T22:00:00.002+08:00

when your heart rebels what your mind says. which is stronger? your mind or your heart? which will you choose to follow? would you follow your heart and hope not to get hurt? or would you follow your mind and think of possibilities? either way, i think people tend to regret and wish that they took the other option instead. well, i believe humans are never satisfied with what they have. they tend to ask for more, even when it's already enough. as for me, i think i still crave for a better life even when i live in comfort. however, i'm learning to appreciate the things that i'm given with in life. it does not take overnight to change but i am trying my best to be a better person.

2009-02-06T21:37:00.002+08:00

honestly, i do not know where to begin. school has been squeezing all my energy out. with remedial and consecutive tests being conducted, i do not think my brain can handle much information any longer. clearly, i have not been having enough rest due to the load of homeworks being given out each day and also other activities that occupy my resting time or rather, my time to do revision. i had taken 2 days off school as i was not feeling well. luck was on my side as there was not much to catch up after stepping my feet back to swiss. however, there are still so much to recap from last year's topics. i have got to get ready for my national exam in less than what? 8 months? i know i should not let anything distract me from my education. however, these problems tend to creep up your shoulder even after several attempts of trying to push it away.without you realising, it has ended up and trapped in your mind. dad has been trying to talk me to aim to go to junior college. as for me, i am still unsure. personally, i do not think i can cope with the pressure. well, i do hope for great results when i get my certificate next year. i know i have to make an effort to attain those grades that i want and by only hoping, it would not help. i have to push all that is inmy head aside. i have to. for the next 8 to 10 months.

2009-02-04T22:43:00.003+08:00

I am seriously tired of this relationship. Everything seemed to be not in place any longer. Endless fights brings endless tears to my eyes. Where is our relationship going? Honestly, i think it is going nowhere. Our reltionship is just waiting for the right time to end. Neither do i feel like talking to you ever again nor even texting you a single message. However, i know that would lead to a disastrous silent break up. It would just make me feel more remorse. Not knowing the cause of our break up and thinking of all the possibilities if we were still together. I need a friend to be by my side. I am tired having to bottle up my feelings and acting out fine when i actually feel like screaming my lungs out. I want to be the strong girl i used to be more than a year ago. I want once again to stand strong on my 2 legs without any any pillar of strength. Ouh God, i am begging you to make me emotionally stronger. Let me be independent and live my life like the way before i met him. Please.

kiss my ass, jack.

2009-02-01T18:22:00.003+08:00

listen up. seriously, i do not need your made up stories. i know about you and her. you need not destroy my relationship with him just because you can't be happy in every single relationship. 'since aku tak boleh happy ngan sape yang aku sayang, aku taknak orang lain happy. aku nak cerobohkan rumah tangga orang'. why must you try to destroy my relationship among other couples? please luh. don't be such a pain in the ass. it all make sense now. what you told me plus what you told kak nisa recently. perangai takmo anak-anak. favour uh.

xoxo. shikin.

2009-02-01T00:10:00.002+08:00

never come to a conclusion when you have not heard the story from both sides.

that was what i learnt today. kak nisa, i really appreciate you telling me what i should know. i never blamed you for anything that had happened. honest. when you told me about amoy, my heart started pounding as if i just finished a sprint. my hands were ubber cold and my breathings were deep. i knew something like this would eventually happen again. my instincts never lie. however, i'm too hurt to cry. i was filled with disappointment. i didn't know what was my next step. i wasn't ready.

after training ended, i finally came up to him. we talked and managed to clarify the problem. when you put the pieces of the puzzle together, you'll get to see the whole picture. that one thing that you did made me realised that you really love me. you were extremely sweet. i'm learning to be understanding. i apologise for all those mistakes i made. i love you, mohamed imran bin samsudin.

for those who is trying to break mohamed imran bin samsudin and norashikin binte mohamed tahar, read and learn this. i love this guy no matter what. seriously, i don't bother about what you think of him. in my eyes, he is the gorgeous and he has a good heart. i don't need you guys to make up stories so that i would break up with him. get the idea, i love him. always have and always will.

xoxo. shikin.

2009-01-30T19:20:00.002+08:00

it has come to nearly 24 hours since he last texted me. no phone calls, no nothing. nothing at all. i seriously do not know what i'm feeling currently. this feeling of insecurity is killing me. i guess the ice is getting thinner between me and you. let's just let time tell. for now, i think i'll do something that i thought i am not capable of ever doing. well, shikin, sometimes you just have to stand up for yourself and face you fear. push the consequences behind.

xoxo. shikin.

2009-01-27T16:50:00.002+08:00

ouhhkays, i'm meeting fhat later.

going to 131 to something for honeyB.

so i think we'll end up chilling out while waiting for honeyB.

honeyB, i appreciate your effort to meet me today.

despite the fact that you would be tired.

i know i've been a pain in your ass,

always wanting to meet you everyday.

always holding you back from going home.

i apologise for hurting you emotionally and physically.

i don't mean to hurt you in any way.

i just love you so much that i'm afraid of losing you.

okays, got to be working on my homework.

till next time, toodles. (:

with love,

norashikin binte mohamad tahar.

shikin says: honeyB, i never want to lose you. you're my personal brand of heroin. (:

2009-01-27T00:26:00.002+08:00

12 more days to our 17th monthsery.

bby, i love you more than anyone could ever imagine.

2009-01-23T16:35:00.002+08:00

i am hoping to grow immune to getting hurt.

there are always chances that you'll get hurt.

even when things are going smoothly.

even when you least expect of it.

getting hurt is the last thing i would ask for.

correction, something i would never ask for.

the pain that lies within you would scar.

even in a million year, it would still hurt.

i don't know about others but as for me,

i would forgive and i will forget that mistake.

however, if it hurts too much,

the pain continues and the memories stays afresh.

2009-01-18T10:53:00.001+08:00

norashikin binte mohamad tahar
hearts
mohamed imran bin samsudin.

2009-01-12T20:31:00.002+08:00

i've been wondering what's in your mind.
are you thinking of me the way i'm thinking of you?
didn't my message yesterday evening affected you at all?
or are you actually elated by that fact?

i thought i could be stronger than i am at the moment.
i was actually fine when i was with my friends.
i realised it that the feeling came when i was alone.
well, at least i think i can handle it and not break down.

well, this may sound rather childish.
but yeahhs, if he doesn't contact me at all by tomorrow after school,
then i'll take as official that we are over.
i can't deny that i am still madly in love with him.
but yeahhs, i can't let these emotions overcome me.
this year, a crucial year for me.

2009-01-08T00:04:00.002+08:00

happy 16th monthsery, mohamed imran bin samsudin.
2009, hopefully, my last year in swiss cottage secondary school.
since school reopened, my time is occupied with endless homeworks.
even after staying up late for several days, it is still not completed.
there's a positive effect and that is i no longer think much about boyfie.
well, i can't deny the fact that i still miss him truckloads.
everyday, i look forward towards the weekend to meet boyfie.

norashikin says: you, i nak prosperity burger cans? :D

2008-12-23T22:40:00.000+08:00

i want to start a new.
but can i?
@#$%^&*!

2008-12-22T00:48:00.003+08:00

i hate when it comes to saying goodbye to boyfie.
i always wished that time would freeze whenever i'm with him.
it brings tears to my eyes knowing that we have to go home.

so boyfie is booking in tomorrow. *cries*
i can't believe those 2 weeks went by so fast.
well, i can't deny that we did spent plenty of time together.
however, that amount of time doesn't seem to be enough.
i've been craving for more of his time and attention.
i just miss him more than anyone could ever imagine.

hopefully, he need not stay in.
otherwise, i'll have to wait till christmas to meet him.
then i'll be off to kuala lumpur.
how i wish he could follow us to kuala lumpur. *sigh*
i miss the time in melacca although we fought.

nevermind, i shall bring his macbeth jacket. (:
it shall be a substitution of him.
&i hope he will spray some of him perfume on it. :D

as for today, met boyfie.
went here and there and finally ended up at BM.
we talked and talked and talked.
it was the best conversation we ever had in the last few months.
we were laughing non stop.
&we managed to talked about certain things that he would usually avoid.
however, he's being more and more irritating.
he loves agitating me, seeing me helplessly mad.
ahaa. ouhhs, boyfie, i love you so much.

shikin says:
i can't wait for boyfie to pass his car lisence. (:

2008-12-21T00:36:00.004+08:00

mohamed imran bin samsudin.
you mean the world to me.
you are my sun during the day,
& you are my moon during the night.
you're my prince charming,
my knight in the shining armour.

it doesn't matter if were to lose everything,
just as long as i have you by my side.
& if i were given a wish,
i would wish for us to be happily together,
till the end of time.

i love you too much that it makes me paranoid,
it makes me extremely jealous of the slightest things.
i miss you truckloads, more than anyone could ever imagine.
i swear i can hug you for hours and hours without feeling tired.
whenever i'm with you, i hope for time to stop.
i never want to be separated from you, never.

i want you to love me the way i love you.
i want you to miss me the way i miss you.
i want you to feel the same way as i am.

2008-12-20T00:37:00.002+08:00

1. What have you been doing recently ?
-- go out with boyfie.(:
2. Do you ever turn your cell phone off ?
-- not at all.
3. What happened at 10am today ?
-- i was still sleeping.
4. When did you last cry ?
-- today.
5. Believe in fate/destiny ?
-- yeahhs.
6. What do you want in your life now ?
-- for boyfie and me to last till death.
7. Do you carry an umbrella when it rains or just put up your hood ?
-- non. ahaa.
8. What's your favourite thing to do on the bed ?
-- think of all sorts of things.
9. What bottoms are you wearing now ?
-- school shorts. ahaa.
10. What's the nicest things in your inbox ?
-- "good night. sweet dreams. take care. love you & miss you. XOXO. muacks."
11. Do you tend to make your relationship complicated ?
-- ahaa. yes, when i am really angry.
12. Are you wearing anything borrowed from anyone ?
-- at the moemnt, no.
13. What was the last movie you caught ?
-- twilight. (:
14. What are you proud of ?
-- being independent as a child.
15. What does the oldest text msg in your inbox say ?
-- "okays, go sleep. good night and sweet dreams. love you. muacks. XOXO."
6. What was the last song you sang out loud ?
-- womanizer - britney spears.
17. Do you have any nicknames ?
-- kin, nor, shikin.
18. What does the newest text say ?
-- "nak mandi. you buat ape?"
19. What time did you go to bed last night ?
-- around 2, after watching friends on star world.
20. Are you currently happy ?
-- yes. (:
21. Who gives you the best advise ?
-- don't know.
22. Do you eat whipped cream straight from the can ?
-- ahaa. yes.
23. Who did you talk on the phone last night ?
-- lots of people. (:
24. Is something bugging you now?
-- not at the moment but i hope not later.
25. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
-- kak nisa + tessha + freda.

2008-12-18T17:02:00.003+08:00

when you say that you love me,

do you really mean it from the bottom of your heart?

or you just say it to make me feel better?

honestly, dearest, i am tired of all these shits.

everyday i am hoping for you to change for the better.

sadly, this incident have been occuring countless times.

you hurt me and make me cry.

then all you do is run far away from reality,

hoping for me to forget all of it.

and when i eventually forgive you, you repeat it all again.

frankly saying, i am not strong to let you go.

i am not ready to be left alone.

mentally & emotionally.

you mean to much to me.

after all that we've been through,

endless quarrels and laughters.

i am afraid that i will not be able to move on,

i love you but at the same time i hate you.

what have i done to deserve this?

i know i have my own flaws.

i know i had my fair share in hurting you.

but i've changed to a better person,

to somebody you wished i would be in the past.

but now, why must you changed?

why to somebody that i despise?

i fell for the old you.

however, i can't bring myself to leave the new you.

please, please, please.

i beg of you, please.

2008-12-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

today was a long day.
went for undangan kompang. (:
i had loads of fun with girlfriends.
lagy, lagy kak nisa.
dah lame tak jumpe,
macam-macam cerite dier bilang.
after undangan we sat and chatted.
boyfie was busy playing psp, as usual.
dah menghadap game, tak ingat dunie.
budak-budak semue gy chimes today.
celebrate uncle helmi's birthday.
naseb baek aku underage.
ahaa. as expected, boyfie didn't go.
instead he accompanied me the rest of the day.
so after he finally finished playing psp,
we went to causeway point.
on the way there, we fought.
ahaa. he ate and we chatted.
that conversation was something that opened my eyes.
he do really love me.
watched twilight.
love the movie. ahaa.
edward collins is effing hot!
then went to timezone.
walked home.
i love my mohamed imran bin samsudin.

shikin says:
he's my personal brand of heroin. (:

2008-12-12T23:34:00.002+08:00

gadoh ngan wan.. lagy.
slalu macam gini taw.
tak suke la bile gadoh ngan dier.
balek, balek kene give in.
asal gadoh je tak reti nak message.
nak kene tunggu orang message dulu.
bodoh nyerh babi hutan.
tapi skarang dah tak lagy.
ahaa.
as usual, i messaged him.
then he replied.
so nice kan for me to give in?
ahaa. dah shikin, stop it.
&afad, you cute taw. (:

2008-12-09T01:06:00.002+08:00

i love mohamed imran bin samsudin.
eventhough we have had tonnes of quarrels,
i can't deny that i never stop loving him..

shikin says:
i miss mohamed imran like the storm misses the rain.

2008-12-09T00:38:00.002+08:00

1. Single , taken or crushing ?
- i am attached to mohamed imran bin samsudin .
2. Are you happy with your life now ?
- yeah .
3. When you meet the right person, will you fall in love with him/her fast ?
- ahaa . it took months .
4. Have you had your heartbroken ?
- yeah .
5. Do you believe there are circumstances where cheating love is acceptable ?
- hmm . not at all .
6. Would you take someone back if he/she cheats on you ?
- yeah , if he is willing to change .
7. Have you talk to another person about marriage before ?
- yeah , him .
8. Do you want children ?
- of course . i want to feel motherly .
9. How many ?
- no more than 2 .
10. Would you consider adoption ?
- i wouldn't mind .
11. If someone likes you right now.. what do you think the best way to let you know his/her feelings?
- i have no idea .
12. Do you enjoy getting into relationship ?
- yeah , although there are some rough spots .
13. Be honest, what did you n your ex last did ?
- my ex ? that was ages ago . i think we chatted on msn .
14. Do you believe in love at first sight ?
- yeah . it happened to certain people .
15. Are you romantic ?
- ahaa . yeah , i am .
16. Do you believe you can change someone ?
- if i mean the world to them , yeah .
17. If you could married somewhere, where would it be ?
- on the beach , under the moon and stars .
18. Do you easily give in when you are fighting ?
- depends on who i am fighting with .
19. Do you have feelings for someone right now ?
- i am in love with my mohame dimran bin samsudin .
20. Have you ever wish you could have someone but you messed it up ?
- nopes . i am happy with mohamed imran .
21. Have you broken a heart ?
- i hope not .
22. One day if your bestfriend fall in love with he/she that u deeply in love with..what would you do ?
- ahaa . treat him normally .
23. Are you missing someone right now ?
- yes , mohamed imran bin samsudin .

2008-12-08T00:40:00.005+08:00

Happy 15th Monthsery, Mohamed Imran.
whees. i went out with him today.
thought of going bugis.
eventually, we stayed at causeway.
ahaa. both lazy want to travel.
we ate at banquet.
afterwards, he played some games in the arcade.
we walked around while waiting for out movie to start.
ahaa. he lost to me on a bet.
and now he owes me 'the sims2 apartment life'.
whees. and my birthday's coming soon. (:
botak jugak armyboy aku. ahaa.
we watched bolt.
nicey, nicey. i lioke.
bought some food from burger king and chill near my estate.
we talked and laughed a lot, i swear.
today was tonnes of fun and laughter.
it was like the old days.
macam baru kenal-kenal gitu.
he bullied me too okays.
i had to massage his head, forehead, neck and shoulders.
it was torture for my precious hand. ahaa.
so we talked and talked until 12 midnight.
it was a sweet, memorable 15th monthsery.
awws. i love him so much.

2008-12-06T23:48:00.002+08:00

ahaa. i love mohamed imran bin samsudin.
yeahs, boyfie book out today. whees.
so he just gave me a call and i never heard from him again.
he said he's going marina barrage for a family outing.
so yeahs, i made my own plans to let the time fly.

met fizah at beauty world.
before that i got lost.
all thanks to dear fizah.
$5 gone because i had to take the cab.
&finally we decided to go woodlands instead.
so yeahs, i wasted my money on rides.
played pool at woodlands lame.
i am such a noobie.
ahaa. should see me play.
i was so irritating.
went home at around 9 plus.
reached home at around 10.

i was so mad at boyfie because he didn't text me at all.
even when i texted him he didn't reply.
as usual, i started thinking about crappy stuffs,
called hazwan and mengadu. ahaa.
then after an hour or so he called.
i was like interrogating him sey.
ahaa.

so yeahs, he made my day someway, somehow.
his old character appeared back.
the old, irritating him.
ahaa. he didn't stop irritating me.
and i was laughing my ass off.
it was like the old days when we just knew each other.
it gives me great joy.
i love him, i love my mohamed imran bin samsudin.

i am sorry i didn't trust you.
i am sorry i kept on bringing up the past.
honestly, i am afraid of losing you.
i wouldn't know what to do if you're gone.
i am too dependent on you.
&i really am so much in love with you.

2008-12-06T12:45:00.002+08:00

yeah, i know i'm being unreasonable.
i hate it when he's not meeting me.
i hate it when he throws tantrum.
i know that he is tired but there's no need for shits.
boleh berbual baek-baek pe.
tak payah nak naekkan suare.
&the reason was he was tired.
it was not as if i was nagging at him.
hah. i'm pretty sure he's not going to see me everyday after POP.
aku penat uh ikot care kau aje.
care aku kau sikit tak hiraukan.
it's like i don't have a say in our relationship.
i'm tired of having to give in always.

2008-12-06T00:27:00.002+08:00

ooo. laptop came when i was taking my nap.
ahaa. i love my laptop.
so the cute and it's white!
so sleek.. i'm in love.
whees~. ahaa.
brother was so sweet to have done computer things.
awws. he's nice, i guess?
ahaa.

2008-12-04T22:35:00.003+08:00

the house is quiet.

brother went out.

mum's asleep and dad's working.

so yeah, i'm left alone in the hall.

you know, things are different without kit.

she used to be my companion, my best friend.

i miss her so much.

how i wish i could hug and kiss her again.

nevermind.

at least, those memories still stay.

okays, shall start doing my homework at 11pm.

whees. i'm almost finishing my maths and english.

i hope i will be able to complete it before boyfie books out.

i want to place my fullest attention on him. :D

will be over at sister's place next week.

she wants company on her last week of maternity leave.

and we'll be going out, out, out with her & baby aqil.

comel kan nie anak?

i hope he'll inherit his father's eyes.

green eyes. (:

&you'll see me staring him enviously.

Aqil Zuhri Bin Mohammad Hairul.

21 September 2008.

&anyways, he loves bullying me.

he's such a sweetheart.<3

2008-12-04T14:17:00.002+08:00

gosh, i'm tired.
&on a rainy day i feel like sleeping.
escape into the world of fantasy.

anyways, boyfie called yesterday.
like finally, i was able to hear his voice.
i miss his voice, his smile, him.
so we had a short chat before we put down.

i'll let fate decide.
if we are meant to be, we will be together.
if we are not, i guess i will have to let go.
i mean i see no point preserving the relationship if it's not going to work out.
but for now, all that i know is that i'm in love with you.
mohamed imran<3

2008-12-03T13:14:00.002+08:00

i miss this dumbass.

this shithead has not been calling me for the past 2 days.

i should have bought that phone for him.

so that he could contact me.

now, i live in regrets.

gosh, i miss him truckloads luhhs.

nevermind.

let's just hope you'll spend quality time with me after POP.

8 more days to go.

i'll be waiting dearest.

eversince he went for national service, i must say things changed a lot.

well, he's been spending more time with me.

yeah, we'll always be out during the weekends or when he's not in camp.

however, everytime i look at him, i feel a sense of insecurity.

i know i have to place the past behind but who knows it might just repeat again.

i'm afraid and i definitely refuse to go through another heart shatter.

yes, i love you but do you love me the way i love you?

cause i know that i'm willing to do anything to save this relationship.

you repeatedly said that

you never regret being with me,

and that you love me

and there's no one else except for me.

but are you telling the truth?

cause you didn't when i placed my fullest trust on you.

i just find it hard to trust those words coming from your mouth.

i mis you, i miss you, i miss you.

2008-12-02T19:11:00.002+08:00

finally the computer arrives.
i've been waiting for this day.
now i'm eager for my notebook to arrive.
barang baru katekan

so i guess i'll be over at my sister's place next week.
whees. will be able to see that little sweetheart.
but of course i won't miss my chance to spend time with boyfie.
yeah babe.. his pass out parade is next week.
i'm excited for that day.
15 days off.
ouhhs, i hopes he'll spend that time with me.
i miss him loads okays.

2008-11-14T14:54:00.002+08:00

you know, there are somethings in life that you cannot have.
may it be the ones you love or the things that you've been eyeing for.
as i come from an average family, i do not really get what i want.
it is more of what i need that i have.
as for love, right now i think i have found a guy.
someway, somehow i feel unsure about him.
i do not really know if i really do love him or it is infactuation.
although we have been 14 months together, i still place doubts on him.
it may seem just so hard to let go at one point.
and at the other end, you feel totally the opposite way.
he didn't treated me badly or anything.
however i just feel this barrier between us.
it is like as if we do not know each other well enough.
should i let go or move with the flow?
i just feel so confused and lost at the moment.

2008-11-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

i miss boyfie like shit.
damn.
11 days straight without him is torture.
counting down, 8 more days to go.
shucks. i miss him truckloads.
and i miss my gossip gundus.
gosh. i need to gossip! ahaa.
anyways, i wish i was pretty as her.
and yes, i wish i could lose 5 more kilograms.
i'm going bonkers during the holidays.
boredom kills me.
i need a new phone. damn.

2008-07-20T11:07:00.002+08:00

don't worry hunny.
i can play along your game. (:
like i've said before,'i can play this game better than you can.'
trust me.
i love this game.
have fun, boyfie.
i love you but i am sorry.